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I say, I say, IKEA...

31/3/2012

Now I'm not saying Shenzhen's IKEA is huge, but there are....
 more bowls than a crown green tournament
 more beds than the Chelsea Flower Show
 more tables than a maths lesson
 more cups than Manchester United
 more lifts than a weight training session
 more pots than a snooker match
 more flat packs than someone moving apartments
 more chairs than after wedding toasts
 more multi-storey car park floors than a layered novel about the shortcomings of a goldfish boat (...think about it!)

IKEA'p breaking things

30/3/2012

Jiajia and I went to Shenzhen's IKEA store today. I still have nightmares about my only previous trip to a (UK) IKEA, but Jiajia sweetened this deal by starting me off at their canteen with a lunch of Swedish meatballs and cream cakes. Then we started the tour round, Jiajia looking for household items, me looking for Chinglish. This display toilet made me laugh. The sign tells customers it's for sale and to please stop using it! Only in China.

Now, regular readers may recall that I knocked a tap off the bathroom wall back in our Kunming flat last month. Well yesterday I managed the same feat in the Shenzhen flat where we are staying, turning off a balcony tap only to have it crumble in my hand. We had to call a worker in stop the gushing water and replace it. And then this evening I went one better, closing the front door to have the handle shear off in my hand. We sheepishly had to call the worker back to fix a new handle. And yesterday I also pulled a towel rack off the wall and exploded a light fitting. Am I particularly heavy-handed, or just jinxed? Ava thinks it's all an early April Fool's prank.

Ferry small

29/3/2012

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We'd booked a cheap hotel in Hong Kong in advance. It advertised itself as well-located, clean and cheap. As such, it was. What it failed to mention was the double rooms being 2m x 3m in size, including an "en suite bathroom". Cosy!

Having done Disney, our plans for the remainder of our short stay in Hong Kong were to take the Star Ferry, see some trams (things Jiajia had never done before) and do some shopping (something Jiajia had done plenty of before). By the end we'd found some cheap cornflakes, gasped at the prices in Marks and Sparks, indulged in a Burger King and rummaged through a Salvation Army charity shop. Tired, but content, we bussed it back to mainland China.

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Fifth and final (for now...)

28/3/2012

Until today, Hong Kong was the only Disneyland I hadn't visited. But Jiajia and I are having a week's working holiday in Shenzhen (she's working, I'm holidaying) and a couple of days over the border in nearby Hong Kong enabled me to tick off my 5th and final Disneyland.

It was Jiajia's first visit, however, and she loved it. She does enjoy catching up on some of the fun she missed during a difficult childhood. Her favourite ride was "Small World" - indoor boats float past animated dolls from different countries singing and dancing. We had to ride it twice!

Hong Kong is a fairly small Disneyland (about the size of the one on Paris) and hard to get lost in [see photo, right]. A new resort in being built in Shanghai by late 2015 will be three times the size (and yet another one for me to get to!). We managed to pick a day when the crowds were light and the queues were short, so we got to see pretty much everything we hoped to. The afternoon featured a lively parade [see photo, below] but we left before the fireworks show. As Jiajia pointed out, "We live in China - we see fireworks every week!"

Dead end job?

26/3/2012

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Foxconn, the company which makes Apple's iPad, hit the news a while ago when it was reported that ten workers at its Chinese factory had committed suicide in one year. Apple promised to review working conditions and improve health and safety (eg putting up nets to stop people jumping from high buildings). What wasn't fully explained was just how huge Foxconn's factory is - it has a staggering 400,000 workers! Now, the average annual suicide rate in China is reported as 15 people per 100,000 so, by that reckoning, Foxconn's factory should be coping with some 60 suicides a year. Having only 10 deaths turns out to be a testament to their good working practices and the happiness of their staff! Stats a fact.

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Exercises in futility?

25/3/2012

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As I walk down the hill from my house to catch the bus to work I often see the children from the local kindergarten doing their morning exercises. At this tender age, their movements are generally muddled and half-hearted, though I have to say their teachers don't make much of an effort either. So is it actually an attempt to get the kids fit? I think not. Is it to teach them the series of exercises so that they can replicate them throughout their ongoing education? Perhaps, for students do the exact same exercises in every Chinese school until they make it (or not) to University. Or is it a form of mind control? Does it simply prepare the students for doing time-wasting and mindless activities without thinking or questioning? Somehow, that sounds more like the truth. I certainly can't see western teenagers meekly standing outside at 7am in all weathers waving their arms around to 1940s patriotic hymns.

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Deep trouble

23/3/2012

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I saw this sign in Yuxi, prohibiting fishing and swimming in the... errrr... 1.8m deep river!? The seriousness of the ongoing drought is clearly shown by the parched river bed here and throughout SW China.

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Hamsters and tigers

22/3/2012

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I managed to get down to Yuxi yesterday to visit the Lattitude volunteers there; Doug [left, with his newly acquired hamster] and Jacob [gazing at the tiger]. Their school is big, but with lots of wide open spaces for students to play in and wander around. I took away the papers required for Doug to get a new passport since he lost his at some point in the past month. It's now up to us to process them quickly before he gets deported!

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Water for fire, not forest of us

20/3/2012

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I saw a helicopter flying overhead yesterday with a huge bucket hanging beneath it. I thought they might be delivering much-needed water to our neighbourhood (six weeks without running water now) but they were actually heading towards a rather nasty forest fire which has been heading towards Kunming from Yuxi, in the south. The drought has left the countryside parched and fires are frequent at this time of year. However, tomorrow I'm due to visit the self-same Yuxi to meet some Lattitude volunteers. Let's hope the fire doesn't change direction!

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KunmiGN siGN

19/3/2012

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Come on guys! Your restaurant is situated in KunmiNG. The least you could do is get the spelling right on your siGN!

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Shouting "Xiaotou!"

18/3/2012

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Petty crime is alive and well in Kunming. Two days ago, as I was boarding a busy bus, a guy behind me started pushing me and when I turned round I saw him carrying a large flat bag and realised it was a screen to feel into my pockets. A quick "Hey!" from me and he turned and scampered away - he was certainly not queuing to board the bus!

Then yesterday, an expensive camera was stolen from my school. An office was left unattended for a couple of minutes and, when the secretary returned, the camera had been stolen from an unlocked drawer. With hundreds of parents milling around, not to mention students and staff, it's hard to know where to start looking.

And then today, as I waited for my bus, I thought I recognised a "certain lad carrying a large flat bag". I watched him for a few minutes to be sure, as he joined the back of a queue for the bus, furtively looking at people's bags and pockets as he did so. As the last passengers got on the bus he quickly stepped back, not boarding the bus after all. It WAS him. I started pointing at him and shouting, "Xiaotou (thief)! He's a thief! Watch out. THIEF!!" He gave me a snarl, but quickly walked away. A few seconds later, another guy asked me in Chinese, "Was he a thief?". I was about to say yes, when I noticed he was carrying an identical bag and then realised he'd been talking to the first guy a few minutes before. "You're a thief too," I shouted, "He's a thief too everybody. Watch out! ANOTHER THIEF!!". At this point he did a runner too. The odd thing was that none of the hundred or so Chinese standing around did anything. Odd, that is, until I was later told that the pickpockets usually carry blades to slice the bottom of bags (...or, indeed, heroic busybodies). I'll think twice next time.

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Rigorous freedom

17/3/2012

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I saw this newly opened coffee shop the other day (or should I say "coffee sho"?). The drink options go from the dull to the bizarre. The question is, are the Chinese ready for a cup of rigorous freedom?

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Everton for ever. Ten!

15/3/2012

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Yesterday marked ten years since David Moyes took over as manager of my favourite football team, Everton. I started supporting them in the heyday of Liverpool's successes (when I was about 12) as they hail from the same city but were considerably less popular. I've followed them ever since, through thick and thin. Over the years they have developed a wonderful habit of beating the top teams and losing to the poor ones. But, as you can see below, under Moyes' superb leadership we have been doing pretty well over the last few seasons, especially when you consider my team survives on a tenth of the budget of the big 4-5 Premiership teams.

So here's to ten more rollercoaster years Moyesy, my son, and let's finally get some silverware (...we get to the semis of the FA Cup if we win this weekend).

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Lotus? Not us!

14/3/2012

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I spotted a nice looking park from a bus I'd not taken before whilst heading towards a friend's house the other day, and decided I should return and explore it sometime. So yesterday I found my way back to "Lotus Park", only to discover that I'd been there before but had entered through a different gate! Still, it made for a nice afternoon out in the sun, amongst the blossoms of trees and flowers and with the screeching sounds of amateur Chinese Opera never far away!

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Last shot

13/3/2012

The Chinese Government have recently been throwing their weight around in the TV programming schedules, cancelling any "low-brow" entertainment shows which were proving too popular (Chinese X-factor was pulled mid-series), banning foreign imports in prime-time viewing (mostly Korean and Hong Kong shows anyway) and insisting on more uplifting and harmonious themes. They say it is to improve the morals of their citizens, though others suggest it is more to do with controlling the news and increasing patriotism in this year of significant leadership changes. One programme which is thriving though, is "Interviews before Execution". Prisoners about to get shot get a final opportunity to tell the public where they went wrong and encourage them to be model citizens. But unlike X-factor there's no "voting off" the worst (or best) criminals. Shame!

Drought wrote out

11/3/2012

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I've had another article published in the newsletter of the Merton Chinese Cultural Group, this one about our neighbourhood's lack of running water. The newsletter puts it into context however, with facts and photos about the far worse effects being felt in rural areas of Yunnan. Download it below if you fancy a look.

Full Spring 12 newsletter
File Size:	3004 kb
File Type:	doc

Download File

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Choosing Qujing

9/3/2012

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Robert (my boss) and I drove 2 hours to QuJing yesterday - Yunnan's second biggest city, with a population of a million. We were visiting Maddi and Chanoa [left in photo], the two Lattitude volunteers serving there. I did the teacher training for them last month and currently have oversight of all the Lattitude volunteers in China. It was a really nice visit, seeing their new flat, meeting their colleagues and hearing their stories and reactions to life in China and starting to teach in a school with 5000 students. They were remarkably settled and positive despite a difficult first few weeks.

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I thought I ought to bought Dorta a sorta water bottle

8/3/2012

I learned last week (from my slightly odd wife) that it was her favourite doll's birthday today and it was made very clear that a card and present were required! Jiajia had bought her a little bed from the internet (actually made for a dog, I think!) and I got her one of those bottles where the water disappears as you tip it up. "Dorta" is apparently 21 years old (the number of years since Jiajia got it) and happily single (though now of age!). Oh, and it was Jiajia's birthday today too!

What a pear

7/3/2012

Jiajia had a nice day out with friends last week, heading into the countryside to see the pear blossom there. They met some local farmers too and ended up buying a couple of their large chickens (dispatched at the farm and served up for dinner yesterday). It turned out to be quite a rare, rainy day; cloud-seeding, they say. It certainly hasn't trickled down to our neighbourhood, though - we've been without running water for over a month now.

Black and white colour printers

6/3/2012

I finally found the time to set up my new printer yesterday. The last one was black and lasted for seven years and three different cities. Not bad considering the heavy usage. Now I have a new white one - a Valentine's present from the wife (making my classic red rose look a bit paltry!). It's certainly produces crisper text and has a quieter paper action, plus separate colour cartridges so I don't now have to throw away blue and green just because yellow runs out!

Born Fortake

5/3/2012

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I saw this label [left] on a colleague's jacket last week and took a quick a snap. It kinda reminded me of something. Then yesterday it came to me - it's a crude copy (minus the chicken) of a cornflakes box, right? Bizarre. And now I think about it, why do cornflake packets have a chicken on the front anyway? Where's the connection there? As ever, answers on a postcard...

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Mission Impossible

3/3/2012

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Is it possible for two people to see two top films at the cinema, one on an IMAX screen, for a total cost of £2.50? Well the last time I was in a Chinese cinema was three years ago but one of Jiajia's friends gave us some free (soon-to-expire) tickets to the Kunming IMAX complex, so we took yesterday afternoon off and headed downtown to see "War Horse" and "Mission Impossible 4". "War Horse" is a Spielberg production based on a very popular play (which I've seen in the UK) which was, in turn, based on a novel. We both loved the film and must have got some dust in our eyes towards the end. "MI: Ghost Protocol" was fun - all-action, fast-moving if plot-free, with some great stunts. And the £2.50? That was the parking fee. Worth it though to see two blockbusters.

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A bird 'n a buddha

1/3/2012

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Earlier this week I had dinner at the house of a Chinese teacher from my school and was fascinated by their large aquarium - home to fish big and small. Unlike many such tanks in China, it also had a nice selection of real plants, so the fish looked like they were in a more natural setting. It reminded me of my recent snorkeling in the Philippines.

But yesterday Jiajia and I visited a friend's house for dinner and discovered a much more unusual pet. A baby owl! It was very tame and apparently likes to fly around their large flat. But with the wife due to have a baby in a month, I sincerely hope the bird doesn't grow too much bigger or hungrier.

The other big surprise in their flat was a whole room devoted to Buddhism. The husband is a keen devotee and it felt like walking into a mini-temple with incense burning and recorded chanting in the background. Luckily, the evening meal did include some "meat for the visitors"!

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I say, I say, IKEA...

IKEA'p breaking things

Ferry small

Fifth and final (for now...)

Dead end job?

Exercises in futility?

Deep trouble

Hamsters and tigers

Water for fire, not forest of us

KunmiGN siGN

Shouting "Xiaotou!"

Rigorous freedom

Everton for ever. Ten!

Lotus? Not us!

Last shot

Drought wrote out

Choosing Qujing

I thought I ought to bought Dorta a sorta water bottle

What a pear

Black and white colour printers

Born Fortake

Mission Impossible

A bird 'n a buddha

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