Blog

Tile me about it

30/1/2013

A broody wife is an expensive beast! So we're having our kitchen replaced before the baby is due on a couple of months. It hadn't looked too tawdry from a distance [top left photo] but, up close, it was clearly disintegrating [bottom photo]. And once the old units were ripped out, one reason for this was found - two leaking water pipes behind the wall. These were repaired yesterday morning. Ava has had to take on the task of organising all the workers, plus she has clear ideas of what she wants to go where. I end up cleaning the walls, mopping the floor and making cups of tea.

The workmen with the new units arrived yesterday afternoon, just 4 hours after they said they would. They predicted it would take them 3 hours to complete the installation but, after 7 hours, it was still not done and they left, hopefully to return today and finish the job.

Not bin checked

28/1/2013

These new double-bins have been sprouting up all over Kunming. They are designed to be peasant-proof (to stop unofficial rubbish collectors rummaging through them to find plastic bottles etc to claim recycling deposits on). However, if they if they think a lid and a few locks can deter them, they have seriously underestimated the peasants' ingenuity! The English is the usual nonsense. I can't remember throwing away an "organism" since my early days as a rat-catcher!

Snakes and snacks

26/1/2013

Ava was invited to a countryside dinner by a well-to-do friend of hers yesterday and insisted on dragging me along. After an hour's drive, we found the restaurant where ten men were already drinking spirits, smoking and tucking into the dishes. They proudly showed us the fried grasshoppers, bamboo maggots and a chicken-and-snake soup. They claimed that snake meat is good for your eyesight. At 2000RMB (£200) for one grass snake it's not so good on the wallet. Ava avoided all the oddities, claiming pregnant women can't eat strange foods. I managed a bit of everything, including the "snake blood rice". Not great.

Intellectually dormant

24/1/2013

I got some bizarre instructions with my new MP3 the other day. I couldn't get it to work at first (though I didn't blame any witches). Finally I realised I had accidentally put it into "skip" mode where it only plays the first 10 seconds of each song until you tell it which one to stop and play. Duh! Maybe it's me that's intellectually dormant?

Queue jump, cue bump

22/1/2013

Ava and I were back at the hospital today. The maternity expert we were originally introduced to through a friend has since been diagnosed with terminal cancer. Quite a shock - she was so helpful and friendly. One of Ava's customers knows another maternity doctor, however, and so we jumped a rather long queue today to meet her. She did a quick scan and arranged another blood test. All seems well so far, and early April doesn't seem that far away anymore.

Ava's tummy is expanding fast, but for some reason she's not keen on me posting a photo of it on the blog!? So instead, here's an eye-catching sculpture I saw recently outside a Kunming art gallery. The wife is a similar shape, though less holey!

EA STupid

20/1/2013

Does this world map look odd to you? It won't to any Chinese readers, but those from other countries might wonder why China appears in the centre rather than Britain (London is, after all, at 0°longitude). Well, "China" in Chinese (中国) translates as "Middle Kingdom", so all Chinese maps place their country in the middle of the world! I guess Britain did the same when we imposed our maps on the world.

So Chinese maps have the annoying effect of squashing all the land masses around the edge. And when you teach directions, as I had to this week, it all gets a bit confusing. China is in the Far East, despite being in the middle. Europe is on the left, in the West, yet America is on the right, also in the West. I asked a Chinese teacher how students cope with having two Wests and no East. She said she'd never noticed and students just learn about China geography anyway! It does help explain my students' woeful world knowledge. "Africa is in Brazil", according to one this week.

Plain wrong

18/1/2013

This shop, down the road from my school, has
absolutely nothing whatsoever shiny inside!!

Table top

16/1/2013

There are four male, British teachers at my school these days, and we all happen to support different Premiership football teams. It's become a weekly ritual to wind each other up about our latest results and relative league positions. And it is getting really interesting too - as of last weekend, our four teams are all together in the league with Everton (my team) just about leading the pack.... for now, at least!

Snow, 'shake and 'slide

14/1/2013

Thanks to those who have been in touch to check on me after the recent landslide in Yunnan. Thankfully (for me) it was over 500km away, though in an area where I have lived and worked in the past (and which suffered from a pretty bad earthquake not long ago, too).

Sadly, those living on the hill below the landslide [see black area in photo above] weren't so lucky. 46 are confirmed dead so far, with rescuers continuing to brave the snow and muddy destruction to try and find further survivors.

Dino saw

12/1/2013

I spent a fun afternoon recently with my Chinese teacher Leah, and fellow student Gemma [catch her cool blog here]. We were tracking down a small art exhibition we had heard about. We eventually found it - fairly underwhelming - but nearby was a small temple which I want to investigate sometime, and this cool dinosaur model, made from junk.

Work it out

10/1/2013

I noticed a strange thing in the Shenzhen markets - most of the shops' calculators had a coin stuck to the little solar panel. I eventually asked a shop keeper why. I wonder if you can guess the reason [leave a comment] before I reveal all.

Dangerous fellers

9/1/2013

We've returned to Kunming, largely to escape the racket made by a team of tree fellers chopping down a dozen trees around our Shenzhen flat, and the neighbours drilling walls, presumably as part of a redecoration. The lumberjacks were frighteningly casual about the tree-climbing, chain-sawing and bough-dropping. The main climber has a harness and safety rope, but never bothered to attach it to anything.

We arrived back in Kunming a few days after the new airport experienced chaos when heavy fog descended, with hundreds of flights cancelled (Locals who were interviewed said there is often fog in that area and they told the construction company many times when they were deciding where to build the airport). Kunming is a lot chillier than Shenzhen and, frustratingly, our flat is only getting 20 minutes of running water a day now (and no hot water at all). Ava and I went to see the local neighbourhood leaders today but were told "It's not our fault", "Here's another number to ring", "What can we do?" etc. Naff!

Ouch!

8/1/2013

Spotted in a menu today. I know what I mean by "private place", but...

Once...

7/1/2013

Ava went off to the markets by herself today, while I cleaned the flat, then bought and cooked a pasta evening meal. I also went for a great run - nearly 2 hours long (a bit of walking on the uphill sections, to be fair) around a nearby reservoir. The city itself is to the left of the dam [in photo above].

Sometimes - not often - Chinglish rises above silliness or groan-worthy spelling mistakes and takes on an almost poetic feel. Check this out:

Cup o' China

6/1/2013

We took the train to Guangzhou today. There are handbag and shoe markets there which give Ava a wider range of goods items to sell. It took seconds to buy a ticket, the train was on time, clean and speedy - British Rail please note! The coffee was a rip-off though; 30RMB (£3) for a paper cupful? On the way home we bought our coffee in advance from the KFC by the station. Much cheaper and just as tasty.

In stitches

5/1/2013

A Shenzhen-based, well-to-do friend of Ava's who enjoys spending a day shopping with Ava when she goes down there took us out for a delicious lunch today. We had "NorthEast China" food - very filling, and not as spicy as we normally get here. The restaurant was decorated with memorabilia from the Mao Zedong era, including this bag embroidered with words declaring how Communist leaders are always working so selflessly for the people!!

Lemarket sign

4/1/2013

This particular "forEIEgner" spent today at the "wholesa lemarket".

To buy and taboo

3/1/2013

We headed for Shenzhen's IKEA today. Ava loves the shopping possibilities there (my role seems to be to put the brakes on the more wild purchase opportunities). As for me, I allow myself to be dragged there for the food. Despite the queues, the cheap and authentic Swedish food is too tempting to ignore. This time I managed meatballs AND spaghetti bolognese (and brocolli, chicken wings, soup, cake, juice...). Great nosh!

I enjoyed this Fire Escape sign. All good advice, except What's the third Taboo? I need to know. Is it something we can't talk about??

Dam it all

2/1/2013

Ava and I spent today at the wholesale clothes factory outlet where

she buys stock for her shop. Tiring for her, boring for me. I kept myself amused by spotting some great Chinglish. I'm not sure "Pupu" is a great brand name. And is that meant to be "Vomit Control" under "Damitall"? They won't be getting my business, however eager they are!

Where am I?

1/1/2013

Ava and I are spending the New Year in Shenzhen (near HongKong). She has some work and shopping to do here and we both thought we'd benefit from some warmer weather (Kunming's turned bitterly cold recently), some running water (our flat got cut off last week once again) and a break from work and "family". Mind you, looking at this street map, I'm not exactly sure where we are!