Invasion of the body lotion
I've recently been moaning at Ava that her various lotions and potions have been slowly taking over all the space in my bathroom, bedroom, even the kitchen. War was formally declared this morning, however, when I went to brush my hair and found this rather unsubtle invasion of cosmetics [see photo]. I'll let you guess which half of the dressing table is ...was... nominally mine!
The chemists opposite my bedroom window woke me up today. This is one of their occasional "advertising" blitzes. Music blares out, shop assistants shout things from loudspeakers, there are balloons for kids and doctors taking OAP's blood pressure for free. It really is an appalling racket, and it can last for days. I quickly worked up the courage to pop in on my way to the gym and give them a few choice words (I have been known to unplug their loudspeakers in the past - the silence lasted less than a minute, but made me feel better). However, on arrival, I saw an increasing long queue forming outside [see photo], drawn by the noise, colours and, presumably, free gifts and discount purchases. I decided my planned protest wouldn't go down too well. This is a classic example of what the Chinese call "hot busy". Shops blast out music or recorded slogans to draw in customers. Many shops place a worker on a box outside their shop just clapping thier hands to make noise. And incredibly, and sadly, it seems to work. My Chinese friends say they love the excitement and thrill of shopping amid a barrage of noise. I'd prefer "cold lazy" to "hot busy", but what can you do?
Dying to know
One of the most infuriating, yet fascinating, aspects of living in China is the regular posters that appear around the city. Some warn you that your balconies are about to be demolished, others prescribe which dogs you are allowed to keep as pets, most are simply incomprehensible to me. This poster [see photo, right] showing 48 faces appeared everywhere around town this week. After some investigation, it seems these are the "most wanted" murderers, armed robbers, drug dealers and women traffickers in Yunnan Province. The poster encourages them to give themselves up, and offers rewards to anyone with information leading to their capture! Cool!
Now to find out what this "multiple choice" poster [see photo, below] that appeared on the door of my flat's is all about....
Some rest 'n a semester
A new term starts today. We had the regular "whole school meeting" yesterday followed by a big meal. The school appears to be developing fast - based at 5 sites now (compared to two when I joined 3 years ago) and offering 3 languages (only one when I started). One of those languages will be Mandarin (for Western students) which I hope to take advantage of. My Chinese is pretty rubbish after 8 years here! The" start of term" meeting seems to get bigger every time. I probably know the names of about half of the 80+ staff, but a fast turnover makes it hard to keep up.
Great Wall, great blog
Since leaving "nearby" Simao, the LEAF family have been based in a rural village near Beijing, by a seldom visited part of the Great Wall. Despite their remoteness and how busy they are keeping themselves, they have been able to keep their blog up to date, even finding time to revamp it and start a spin-off blog for their two girls. It's really well worth a visit. Just click here
Roll, stir and squeeze
Robert and Rachel (owners of the school where I work) are always very willing to share the spoils of a visit to the UK with us eager foreign teachers! My usual request for a pork pie wouldn't have worked this time as I was on holiday when they returned and it would have gone off. But they were kind enough to compensate with a large pot of Marmite, some unexpected, but welcome, custard sauces and a dozen very useful large dice. Quite a haul. Thanks guys!
Bizarre news is slowly filtering through of a whopping 100km (62 mile) traffic jam outside of Beijing which is taking drivers nine days to get through! I kid you not! So no more moaning if you get delayed by half an hour on the M25!! Apparently drivers are complaining that "locals are over-charging them for food and drink"! I think I'd be complaining about a whole lot more if it were me!
Expensive free fabric conditioner
When Marie moved back to France, she passed on lots various leftovers for me to use up. Some were very useful such as folders, lightbulbs and my computer table. Others were more of a mystery to me such as garlic/ginger, mouthwash and fabric conditioner! And now the latter has cost me more than I knew. I tried adding half a cupful of fabric conditioner to my latest wash and, before I knew it, there was ridiculous amounts of foam pouring out of the machine and then a loud BANG! My landlord has since arranged three visits from an electrician and apparently he'll need to replace most of the electronics! So that's the last time my fabrics get conditioned (whatever that means)!
Thailand was great for clean toilets, easy transport, delicious food and amazing friendliness, but it certainly disappointed when it came to spotting examples of poor English (Thaiglish?). A few wrong spellings, but nothing like the hysterical stuff I see so regularly in China. My favourite however was this clothes shop [see photo]. It was full of cotton garments for sure, but not a green one in sight. Odd!
Midland Bank becomes HSBC, Marathons are renamed Snickers and the Royal Mail rebrands itself as Insignia. Don't you just hate it? Well my blog keeps the same name, but I've revamped the banner. What do you think? Any better?
Re: vamps, I've just finished watching the first season of "Being Human" - a TV show about a vampire, a werewolf and a ghost sharing a bedsit in Bristol. It's had great reviews, but I thought it was pretty average. Fangs, but no fangs.
Panda-ing to the very bored
Having satellite TV in Thailand sadly led to copious channel-hopping. One evening I amused myself for 20 minutes listening to a Muslim "call to prayer" until Ava wrested the remote control from me! But my favourite waste of time was the "Panda Live" channel [see photo] which transmits a live feed from Bangkok Zoo of one of its pandas. Bearing in mind these lazy creatures only move once every few hours, and then simply to scratch or chew bamboo, it has to one of the most pointless programmes ever... apart from Big Brother, of course
She's gone and left me
Yes, just a week after generously agreeing to marry me, Ava left me today. Fortunately not for another man, or forever, but just for her monthly, week-long trip to Shenzhen (near Hong Kong) to buy stock for the Kunming fashion store she owns. As I'm still on holiday I was able to see her off at the airport this time. We arrived earlier than expected which was a great excuse to share (90%/10%!) a KFC meal. Too tempting a chance to miss out on, despite my current diet!
I'm healthy... apparently
In order to get my work visa, I have to complete a medical check every two years and today was my latest visit. I've done 2-3 of these now in Kunming and it's interesting to see how they change and what stays worryingly the same. The initial form to fill in has a lot less Chinglish these days and there's now some sort of process and order about what you have to have checked, and where. The price has tripled in 5 years, but thankfully my school pay for it to be done. The over-staffing remains ridiculous. In the first room your blood pressure is checked by two nurses. In the second room two more are assigned to weigh you and measure your height. The eye-test lady (Room 3) told me to remove my glasses and read down the list as far as possible. I had to explain that I couldn't even see the list without my glasses. She shrugged, told me to put my glasses back on and marked my form with 20/20 vision. More nurses for blood tests, ECG, chest x-ray, urine sample, ultrasound... oh yes, I was well-probed! One novelty, new to me at least, was another nurse whose job it was to point a gun [see photo] at me and shoot my forehead with a laser! This apparently measured my temperature. I confess I thought this was just "Chinese traditional medicine mumbo jumbo" until I checked it out later on the internet. Yes, they do exist and they do work (though how is beyond me)! So now I'm officially healthy. Thankfully they remained blissfully unaware of my continuing headaches, dizzy attacks, gout and neck pain. Phew!
We left our lovely hotel this morning (though not before Ava took this rather disconcerting photo of me reading my sci-fi mag!). A taxi from the hotel took us to the airport where we met up with Ling (from Lampang) again, who is taking a holiday in her hometown of Kunming. Getting a taxi once in China proved more difficult, however, and eventually we all squeezed onto a bus. It's nice to be "home" again, though we all remarked about the awful state of the toilets in Kunming, compared to what we've got used to in Thailand!
Not so grand?
With Ava's shopping all done, I felt we should see at least a couple of the main tourist sights in Bangkok, although I've done them by myself in the past. We entered Wat Pho by mistake (thinking it was the more famous Wat Phra Kaew) but liked the enormous resting Buddha there [see photo above, right]. By the time we got to the neighbouring, correct Wat, they had shut the gates there for a long lunch.
Ava decided to use the time to have a Thai massage [see photo, right] at a fraction of the cost of one in Kunming, apparently, while I researched river boat tours in my guidebook. In the afternoon we got to Wat Phra Kaew and the Grand Palace [see top photo, left] though with some parts being repaired under scaffold and others cordoned off for services it wasn't as impressive as I remembered. Also, Ava took umbridge at being forced to hire and wear a gaudy cape to cover up a tiny section of shoulder flesh! To me it's an oddly insecure "god" who gets upset at the sight of a T-shirt or toes pointed in his vague direction (as another tourist got told off for). But I guess as tourists allowed to wander around snapping photos in a "sacred" place we have to play by their rules.
The one thing I had failed to do on my previous visits was to have a river and canal boat trip. So I persuaded Ava to hire a boat and go exploring with me. With a bit of bargaining we managed to get a "long-tailed boat" to ourselves for the same price as a boat shared with a tour group (though our "hour" was more like 40 minutes, and the promised "floating market" was more like a couple of moored boats selling trinkets). Still, it was nice to see another side of Bangkok and exchange smiles and waves with local kids playing in the (very dirty) water.
Shop 'til you drop
Speed boat but slow bus
Faced with the choice of a bumpy half hour on the back of a truck followed by another half hour on a slow ferry, just to get to the bus station for the journey to Bangkok, we opted for a speedboat today to get us off Ko Samet island. It didn't work out much more expensive, as it turned out, and was a lot more fun. Just the two of us, plus the driver, bouncing over the waves.
The bus to Bangkok was quite slow in the amost perpetual traffic jams of that city, after which we took a taxi to the delightful four-star "Ambassador Hotel". Ava's friend-of-a-friend got us a fantastic room there at half price (£20/200RMB a night) which included aircon, free newspapers, fridge, satellite TV, superb international breakfast, free gym, free swimming pool, etc. A very nice antidote to Bangkok's heat, humidity and pollution.
No ringing - must be engaged
After a few chats about out future together it seemed clear to me that, whilst marriage, living together, starting a family etc were all going to be big challenges requiring a lot of thought and planning, both Ava and I were talking about, and assuming, a shared future. Simply getting engaged in itself seemed free of difficulties though, and a public sign of commitment. And where nicer to propose than over a meal beside the quietly lapping sea on an idyllic island? Once Ava was convinced it wasn't one of my jokes, she finally said "Yes". So that was a relief! We're not rushing into any further plans or dates just yet. We looked at engagement rings but couldn't find anything that we particularly liked, so that's something we'll shop for again, once we're back in Kunming perhaps.
Lots to sea and do
Ava and I signed up for a round-the-island cruise today. Hot, sunny weather had Ava scuttling for shade at first (white skin is as desirable in Asia as tannned skin is in the West). But a cooling breeze eventually tempted her out of her cocoon [see photo].
The trip included a couple of stops for snorkelling which we really enjoyed, freshly cooked lunch, a chance for some fishing (the crew caught and grilled a couple of fish, but none of the 7 passengers managed any catches), and a trip to a fish farm/zoo (which included small sharks, large turtles and various pretty and ugly fish).
Ava had bought three different bikinis for the holiday(!) and was keen to try each, having not had a chance to wear them before. So once we got back to our bunglaow, and spurred on by our snorkelling adventure, we had our first swim in the sea opposite our balcony. Very warm water and we were the only people in sight. A sudden downpour saw us scuttling back to the beach - well we didn't want to get wet!
An island I land on
After a fun overnight train from Chiang Mai to Bangkok, Ava and I got an early morning bus and boat to the island of Ko Samet. We'd been warned that the northern beaches were busy and beery, so we headed down to a small resort in the south. They had a great bungalow with air-conditioning and a private balcony at just £20/200RMB a night, right on an empty beach, 10m from the clean and warm sea. Just what we needed.
Our bungalow was quiet, secluded and right on the beach [see red circle]
Oli and Ling drove us to Chiang Mai (1½ hours) this afternoon and are staying at the same guesthouse as us tonight. I spent some time in Chiang Mai a couple of years ago with the LEAF family (same guesthouse then too!) but was very open to revisit some sites of interest or do another elephant trek etc. But Ava's mind was very firmly set on the famous Sunday night market there and so, while Oli and I sauntered around and tried various snacks, Ling and Ava rummaged through every craft and clothes stall they could find!
I've had a recurrence of my dizziness problem today. No idea why, but a bit of a worry.
Waterfall, but no rainfall
Ava, Ling and Oli
We've been very lucky so far with the weather. We tempted fate by visiting Thailand in their rainy season but, so far, any rainfall has been when we've been travelling by in car or asleep in bed. And the rain made for a rather spectacular waterfall at the park Oli and Ling took us to today [see photo]. We climbed up the path by the cascade of falls above for some way, but the heat and muidity wore us out sooner than we had hoped. The girls opted for a Thai massage while Oli and i explored the hot water springs nearby. In the evening we enjoyed a lovely meal with Daeng and her son Tempo. We move on to Chiang Mai tomorrow.
Thailand has some of the most impressive Buddhist Temples in the world and there's a real danger of visiting too many, too quickly and finding them all much the same (getting "templed out" is the technical term!). But Oli and Ling drove us out to Wat Phrae today and it really is a stunning collection of buildings.
With some parts dating back over 500 years, the temple felt active, "lived in" and cared for (without being overly restored). It seemed like there was something of interest or a new architectural style awaiting around every corner. Yet we saw very few other foreigners there, being some way out of (an untouristy) town. I particularly enjoyed a large gong which, when stroked in a certain way, emitted a low humming noise. An energetic party of uniformed school children started it with a stick until I showed them how to do the strokey/hummy thing and after that it was all they wanted to do!
After Wat Phrae we drove into the countryside to visit a large plaster Buddha perched on the top of a hill overlooking Lampang. Ling and Ava have quickly become best buddies [see photo], as I suspected they would, chatting in away in Kunming local language and sharing all sorts of "in-jokes"! The Buddha was fun to see, but more impressive were the hundreds of butterflies collecting pollen from the surrounding flowers - fluttering movement as far as the eye could see.
In the evening, Oli and Ling rang the changes with dinner at a Vietnamese restaurant. Quite different from the Thai food we have been enjoying so far, but also delicious.
Ava, Jack & Guy, Ling, Oli's hand!
Ava and I arrived safely in Chiang Mai yesterday and were met by my old friends, Oli and Ling (who used to work at my school). It's great to see Oli [the hand in the bottom right of the photo!] who I haven't seen for a couple of years, and his wife Ling [right in photo] who I last saw in Kunming over a year ago. They drove us to Lampang, where they live and work, and are kindly letting us kip down in their spare room while we're here. We've had some delicious meals with some of their friends too - the food has been a real highlight so far.
Daeng, me, Pim, Ava
Another reason for heading to Lampang was to finally meet up with Daeng and Pim. They both work in the International School that "recruited" Oli and Ling. Daeng and I have been exchanging 2-3 e-mails a week for well over a year now and I already felt I knew her quite well despite only meeting here face-to-face today. She and Pim showed us around their pretty little school and we'll meet for a meal in a few day's time. The rain's holding off so far...
Thailand - see saw
Ava and I fly off for a fortnight's holiday in Thailand later today. It will be her first time to see the country (outside of the airport, anyhow) while I saw it twice before. It's nice to experience it together this time though. We are hoping to meet some old friends of mine in Chiang Mai, and then head on to an island for some sun (though it's currently rain there, apparenlty!) and perhaps do some scuba diving. Then we'll return via Bangkok for some retail therapy. Back mid-August (...and if you are a Chinese burglar reading this, I have a big dog guarding my flat! ...and congratulations on your excellent English language reading skills, too!)
Paul Hider lives and works in Kunming (SW China) and regularly updates this blog about his life there.
Past blog entries