I've recently been moaning at Ava that her various lotions and potions have been slowly taking over all the space in my bathroom, bedroom, even the kitchen. War was formally declared this morning, however, when I went to brush my hair and found this rather unsubtle invasion of cosmetics [see photo]. I'll let you guess which half of the dressing table is ...was... nominally mine!
The chemists opposite my bedroom window woke me up today. This is one of their occasional "advertising" blitzes. Music blares out, shop assistants shout things from loudspeakers, there are balloons for kids and doctors taking OAP's blood pressure for free. It really is an appalling racket, and it can last for days. I quickly worked up the courage to pop in on my way to the gym and give them a few choice words (I have been known to unplug their loudspeakers in the past - the silence lasted less than a minute, but made me feel better). However, on arrival, I saw an increasing long queue forming outside [see photo], drawn by the noise, colours and, presumably, free gifts and discount purchases. I decided my planned protest wouldn't go down too well. This is a classic example of what the Chinese call "hot busy". Shops blast out music or recorded slogans to draw in customers. Many shops place a worker on a box outside their shop just clapping thier hands to make noise. And incredibly, and sadly, it seems to work. My Chinese friends say they love the excitement and thrill of shopping amid a barrage of noise. I'd prefer "cold lazy" to "hot busy", but what can you do?
One of the most infuriating, yet fascinating, aspects of living in China is the regular posters that appear around the city. Some warn you that your balconies are about to be demolished, others prescribe which dogs you are allowed to keep as pets, most are simply incomprehensible to me. This poster [see photo, right] showing 48 faces appeared everywhere around town this week. After some investigation, it seems these are the "most wanted" murderers, armed robbers, drug dealers and women traffickers in Yunnan Province. The poster encourages them to give themselves up, and offers rewards to anyone with information leading to their capture! Cool!
Now to find out what this "multiple choice" poster [see photo, below] that appeared on the door of my flat's is all about....
A new term starts today. We had the regular "whole school meeting" yesterday followed by a big meal. The school appears to be developing fast - based at 5 sites now (compared to two when I joined 3 years ago) and offering 3 languages (only one when I started). One of those languages will be Mandarin (for Western students) which I hope to take advantage of. My Chinese is pretty rubbish after 8 years here! The" start of term" meeting seems to get bigger every time. I probably know the names of about half of the 80+ staff, but a fast turnover makes it hard to keep up.
Since leaving "nearby" Simao, the LEAF family have been based in a rural village near Beijing, by a seldom visited part of the Great Wall. Despite their remoteness and how busy they are keeping themselves, they have been able to keep their blog up to date, even finding time to revamp it and start a spin-off blog for their two girls. It's really well worth a visit. Just click here
Robert and Rachel (owners of the school where I work) are always very willing to share the spoils of a visit to the UK with us eager foreign teachers! My usual request for a pork pie wouldn't have worked this time as I was on holiday when they returned and it would have gone off. But they were kind enough to compensate with a large pot of Marmite, some unexpected, but welcome, custard sauces and a dozen very useful large dice. Quite a haul. Thanks guys!
Bizarre news is slowly filtering through of a whopping 100km (62 mile) traffic jam outside of Beijing which is taking drivers nine days to get through! I kid you not! So no more moaning if you get delayed by half an hour on the M25!! Apparently drivers are complaining that "locals are over-charging them for food and drink"! I think I'd be complaining about a whole lot more if it were me!
When Marie moved back to France, she passed on lots various leftovers for me to use up. Some were very useful such as folders, lightbulbs and my computer table. Others were more of a mystery to me such as garlic/ginger, mouthwash and fabric conditioner! And now the latter has cost me more than I knew. I tried adding half a cupful of fabric conditioner to my latest wash and, before I knew it, there was ridiculous amounts of foam pouring out of the machine and then a loud BANG! My landlord has since arranged three visits from an electrician and apparently he'll need to replace most of the electronics! So that's the last time my fabrics get conditioned (whatever that means)!
Thailand was great for clean toilets, easy transport, delicious food and amazing friendliness, but it certainly disappointed when it came to spotting examples of poor English (Thaiglish?). A few wrong spellings, but nothing like the hysterical stuff I see so regularly in China. My favourite however was this clothes shop [see photo]. It was full of cotton garments for sure, but not a green one in sight. Odd!
Midland Bank becomes HSBC, Marathons are renamed Snickers and the Royal Mail rebrands itself as Insignia. Don't you just hate it? Well my blog keeps the same name, but I've revamped the banner. What do you think? Any better?
Re: vamps, I've just finished watching the first season of "Being Human" - a TV show about a vampire, a werewolf and a ghost sharing a bedsit in Bristol. It's had great reviews, but I thought it was pretty average. Fangs, but no fangs.
Having satellite TV in Thailand sadly led to copious channel-hopping. One evening I amused myself for 20 minutes listening to a Muslim "call to prayer" until Ava wrested the remote control from me! But my favourite waste of time was the "Panda Live" channel [see photo] which transmits a live feed from Bangkok Zoo of one of its pandas. Bearing in mind these lazy creatures only move once every few hours, and then simply to scratch or chew bamboo, it has to one of the most pointless programmes ever... apart from Big Brother, of course
Yes, just a week after generously agreeing to marry me, Ava left me today. Fortunately not for another man, or forever, but just for her monthly, week-long trip to Shenzhen (near Hong Kong) to buy stock for the Kunming fashion store she owns. As I'm still on holiday I was able to see her off at the airport this time. We arrived earlier than expected which was a great excuse to share (90%/10%!) a KFC meal. Too tempting a chance to miss out on, despite my current diet!
In order to get my work visa, I have to complete a medical check every two years and today was my latest visit. I've done 2-3 of these now in Kunming and it's interesting to see how they change and what stays worryingly the same. The initial form to fill in has a lot less Chinglish these days and there's now some sort of process and order about what you have to have checked, and where. The price has tripled in 5 years, but thankfully my school pay for it to be done. The over-staffing remains ridiculous. In the first room your blood pressure is checked by two nurses. In the second room two more are assigned to weigh you and measure your height. The eye-test lady (Room 3) told me to remove my glasses and read down the list as far as possible. I had to explain that I couldn't even see the list without my glasses. She shrugged, told me to put my glasses back on and marked my form with 20/20 vision. More nurses for blood tests, ECG, chest x-ray, urine sample, ultrasound... oh yes, I was well-probed! One novelty, new to me at least, was another nurse whose job it was to point a gun [see photo] at me and shoot my forehead with a laser! This apparently measured my temperature. I confess I thought this was just "Chinese traditional medicine mumbo jumbo" until I checked it out later on the internet. Yes, they do exist and they do work (though how is beyond me)! So now I'm officially healthy. Thankfully they remained blissfully unaware of my continuing headaches, dizzy attacks, gout and neck pain. Phew!
We left our lovely hotel this morning (though not before Ava took this rather disconcerting photo of me reading my sci-fi mag!). A taxi from the hotel took us to the airport where we met up with Ling (from Lampang) again, who is taking a holiday in her hometown of Kunming. Getting a taxi once in China proved more difficult, however, and eventually we all squeezed onto a bus. It's nice to be "home" again, though we all remarked about the awful state of the toilets in Kunming, compared to what we've got used to in Thailand!
With Ava's shopping all done, I felt we should see at least a couple of the main tourist sights in Bangkok, although I've done them by myself in the past. We entered Wat Pho by mistake (thinking it was the more famous Wat Phra Kaew) but liked the enormous resting Buddha there [see photo above, right]. By the time we got to the neighbouring, correct Wat, they had shut the gates there for a long lunch.
Ava decided to use the time to have a Thai massage [see photo, right] at a fraction of the cost of one in Kunming, apparently, while I researched river boat tours in my guidebook. In the afternoon we got to Wat Phra Kaew and the Grand Palace [see top photo, left] though with some parts being repaired under scaffold and others cordoned off for services it wasn't as impressive as I remembered. Also, Ava took umbridge at being forced to hire and wear a gaudy cape to cover up a tiny section of shoulder flesh! To me it's an oddly insecure "god" who gets upset at the sight of a T-shirt or toes pointed in his vague direction (as another tourist got told off for). But I guess as tourists allowed to wander around snapping photos in a "sacred" place we have to play by their rules.
The one thing I had failed to do on my previous visits was to have a river and canal boat trip. So I persuaded Ava to hire a boat and go exploring with me. With a bit of bargaining we managed to get a "long-tailed boat" to ourselves for the same price as a boat shared with a tour group (though our "hour" was more like 40 minutes, and the promised "floating market" was more like a couple of moored boats selling trinkets). Still, it was nice to see another side of Bangkok and exchange smiles and waves with local kids playing in the (very dirty) water.
About the author
Past blog entries