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Consul late

27/2/2014

Our 6-monthly influx of foreign teenagers is here once again (where does the time go?) and so I am busy running an 8-day training course for 18 Lattitude volunteers from Australia, UK and Canada. The usual stress was turned up a notch on the first day, too, by us being visited by the new Australian Consul-General, Nancy Gordon, and her retinue on a fact-finding mission. Despite being delayed by traffic, she managed to fit in a tour of our school, observation of some training and an informal chat with the Australian volunteers before a quick bite to eat and a hasty departure to other commitments. I shared a table with her over the buffet lunch and found her to be a really pleasant and down-to-earth person, despite being a rather important dignitary in China - one of only two female "Ambassadors" here!

The volunteers themselves have made a good start to the course with, as yet, no lost passports, upset stomachs or drunken stupors! But then we do have another 5 days to go...

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Police do something

25/2/2014

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I was walking down the street yesterday when a car right in front of me pulled out and smashed straight into an electric bike. As the bike rider lay on the road moaning, I watched to see who would take charge. Nobody. The car driver started chatting to her husband. The traffic coming along the street bumped up on the kerb to get past. Onlookers stood around and stared. I'd heard before this is the typical reaction to accidents in China, but I'd not seen it up close before.

I grabbed a teenager who was having a look and told him to call the police. "No phone", he replied. "Use mine" I said, removing my jumper to put under the victim's head. So he rang the police who, rather impressively, arrived within five minutes. "Get up!" they barked at the moped rider showing little sympathy. "My leg, my leg", she cried back and the cops finally relented and called for an ambulance. Five minutes later my phone rang - a stranger asking for directions in Chinese. Luckily, I guessed it was the ambulance driver and passed my phone to the policemen, somewhat to his surprise! Once the ambulance arrived, I retrieved my phone and my jumper and headed off, a little shaken but with a new perspective on Chinese attitudes. A wise colleague of mine described it thus: Chinese friend/family ties are really strong, as is their patriotism for the country. But, in between those two, strangers get little respect or help. People feel their "duty" lies elsewhere. And for one unfortunate lady yesterday it lay in the road.

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A booboo?

23/2/2014

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Another very mysterious Chinglish passage spotted yesterday on a student's notebook, starting confused and ending bizarre! The writing at the bottom says,

"Mickey Mouse is at one with the Great Common Denominator of the common of the commonality in terms of expression ...based on the principle of the triumph of the boob, the cosmic vistory of the underdog."

So, where exactly does Mickey's "boob" come into anything?

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All good things...

21/2/2014

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JD has a new pair of trousers with these strange English slogans on. I get "good things" and "go for it!", but what is "ha tou" meant to be? And how about "de tian"? "Tian" is Chinese for day/heaven/sky, but "de" doesn't mean much (morality/possessive). Jiajia says that taken together it has no Chinese meaning. Could it also be an attempt at English? Or French? Any ideas?

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Eh? Hit for six!

19/2/2014

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846 unique visitors in a single day!? Preposterous! But wow, thank you!

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Sticd to Chinese!

17/2/2014

Oh hecd! Sometjmes J put little stjcders onto my students' work, but J have to double-checd any Engljsh fjrst. Too late to take them bacd!

Meet without meat

15/2/2014

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Yesterday was Valentines Day. Jiajia bought me 5 new goldfish (to replace George, Margaret and Gemma who, frankly, didn't last very long!). I bought her some cacti and a cheesecake!?

It was also Lantern Festival yesterday, which marks the end of Spring Festival, and one of the many traditions associated with it is to visit a Buddhist temple and eat vegetarian food. A friend of Jiajia's friends offered to show us a new temple we'd not seen before, tucked away amongst a housing estate. There can't be many temples in or around Kunming that I haven't visited before, so I grabbed the chance to explore a new one. It was small and a fairly modern build I think, but the people who had gathered there to celebrate were very friendly and we had a nice meal and an interesting look round. There were no monks, as such, but it seems to be run very efficiently by a band of local elderly women. It reminded me of a community gathering in a church hall at times.

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Phone home

13/2/2014

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A new shopping centre near our house (with mostly empty shops so far) has sprouted a very British phonebox and pillarbox outside. Jiajia and I took JD down the road to investigate the other day - a 20 minute walk. It's most incongruous to see them on the pavement as I head past them on the bus on the way to work. Nothing inside them, mind you, and I daren't post a letter in the pillarbox. It's risky enough sending something from a proper Post Office!

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For E's a jolly good fellow

11/2/2014

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E is always a tricky old letter isn't it? You put the first one in "MEAN" and then another one at the beginning of "DESSERT" and, before you know it, you've run out of the little chaps. What is a sign maker to do? You can imagine his thought process,

"No E's left? Blast! Oh well, it's only English. Nobody can read it anyway. Let's think. I have a couple of options here. First I can leave the stupid letter out completely. Can't be that important, right? Better still, I'll just chuck in a totally different letter. Let's see, I've got plenty of W's. Yes, I'll use one of them. Come on, who's ever going to notice..?"

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Come again?

9/2/2014

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It's wrong in so many ways, not least of which was finding
it on packaging tape wrapped around a tin of coffee...

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Safari, so goody

7/2/2014

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We took JD to Kunming Zoo yesterday. I last went a decade ago and swore never to return, such were the awful conditions. But things have improved somewhat. Many of the larger animals have been relocated to a safari park outside of Kunming, for example. The tiger and lion still pace to and fro forlornly, but at least they no longer have stones thrown at them by locals (a sign forbids "stirring" the animals!). The water birds looked happy enough and the monkeys, JD's clear favourite, were having a great time. Unfortunately, the zoo was heaving with visitors, today being the last day of the national Spring Festival holiday, and with JD getting as many stares as some of the exotic creatures, we headed home after a couple of hours.

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Revalley, really

6/2/2014

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Here's a bit of a puzzler (though I think I've Googled my way to a solution). This is a shop near our house selling wine, and calling itself "Liverm Revalley". Any guesses as to where the mistake(s) lie? Do "Comment" with your ideas.

And on the shop's door is this odd sign. So, the shop HAS Wifi, doesn't allow smoking, has (or forbids?) music and... err... lets pets in??

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Model couple

5/2/2014

Jiajia and I saw these life-size models in a store the other day and thought they bore an uncanny resemblance...! Certainly JD seemed confused for a while, as you can see.

Hell, mate - helmet?

3/2/2014

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Spotted this family of five yesterday, risking life and limb all crammed onto an electric bike. Still, the driver is wearing a "crash helmet"...!?

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Money-making plan

1/2/2014

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It's official: I'm now a multi-billionaire! I bought this ten billion yuan note in the local market the other day (for 1 jiao = 1p). They usually get bought in bundles to be burned on graves at Spring Festival so that one's ancestors want for nothing in the afterlife. But my plan is simply not to burn it. Brilliant, right? Then, I just have to find a little shop with a distracted shopkeeper who will give me change from my ten billion note. Watch this space...

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Consul late

Police do something

A booboo?

All good things...

Eh? Hit for six!

Sticd to Chinese!

Meet without meat

Phone home

For E's a jolly good fellow

Come again?

Safari, so goody

Revalley, really

Model couple

Hell, mate - helmet?

Money-making plan

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